Well, tomorrow is the big day. Tomorrow I will run my second Indy Mini-Marathon. My stomach hurts just typing that! Right now I’m a bundle of excitement, nerves, confidence, worries, and anticipation. This will be my first half marathon in a year (I pulled out of one in October), and I can’t wait to see what happens. My goal is to finally hit sub 2 hours. My two other half times were 2:06:00 and 2:06:01. I don’t think I could’ve done that if I tried! I hope to finally break the 2:06 streak. This time the race is different. I am more prepared. I am more fit (thanks P90X!). I am healthier. And most importantly, I am more confident. My outfit is picked out, my bib is picked up, my knees are iced, and I have my game plan for tomorrow. Indy Mini – Bring it on!!
This race holds a special place for me because it’s the first race Adam and I did together. It also holds a little anxiety-filled piece of my heart because it was one of my worst races to date (excluding my Columbus full marathon… no training = wanting to die). The Indy mini is the only race I’ve ever cried during and sobbed hysterically afterwards (yeah drama much?). I am determined to create better memories of the Mini tomorrow. I am determined to overcome what happened last year.
Why am I so anxious for this race?
Well, that’s just it. Last year, anxiety literally killed me during the race. I was excited for the race – I had high hopes that I could help guide Adam to a sub-2 first half marathon. After all – I was the experienced runner. I was going to be the rock for him. We would laugh and run, make great memories, then run through a field of flowers and rainbows. Early in the morning we were suited up and ready to go. Even then, I knew something wasn’t quite right. My stomach wasn’t really taking to breakfast, and I hadn’t been able to go to the bathroom. The anxiety started setting in. What if I couldn’t go to the bathroom before the race? What if my stomach doesn’t stop hurting? Well as you can imagine this sort of thinking just made my stomach hurt more. I tried to stay calm as we made our way over. After a quick successful stop at the porta potties I had a renewed sense of hope: maybe this was just pre-race jitters! We hopped into our corral and remarkably ran into our two close friends running the race (in a sea of 35,000 people). This was a huge boost and we had a great time before the gun went off. My stomach wasn’t doing great – but I did feel more confident I would recover.
Our fake “finish-line” photo taken at the start line before we began the race.
Soon we were off! The beginning of the Indy race is pretty congested, but also incredibly thrilling. Adam and I dashed and darted around runners trying to navigate as politely as we could while staying near each other. Mile 1 and 2 came and went, but by Mile 3 I knew this was truly going to be a battle. I told Adam I really needed to stop for a bathroom break. I kept going back and forth and finally he said “Kelly, just stop! You will feel better and then we can just continue.” I followed his advice. But alas, no luck at the stop. I couldn’t go! What the heck, body?? So on we went. The miles kept dragging on and my posture kept hunching over my stomach the farther we went. Miles 6 and 7 are around the Indianapolis Speedway (the race track of the Indy 500). I hit my low point on the track and kept urging Adam to leave me. I wanted him to have a great run and I was a sandbag pulling him down. He cheerfully kept encouraging me and telling me he was sticking with me. I started to get a bit grumpy towards all his perkiness, and after a not-so-nice exchange of words and some tears we continued on in silence.
My stomach was still killing me and I was a black hole of negative energy. I felt so guilty that I was ruining the experience for Adam. Around mile 10 I knew I’d be able to finish and I started perking up a bit. Just a bit. We kept painfully and deliberately pushing towards the finish and soon it was within sight. Adam grabbed my hand and literally pulled me across the finish line. Some days later I could watch the finish line video and chuckle at how pathetic I looked. Adam holding my hand like a sick child dragging me behind him. At the time I was happy to be done, but heartbroken, absolutely heartbroken. We collected our medals and started walking a few feet back. I just started sobbing. Not only did we not get the sub 2-hour race I desperately wanted for Adam, I ruined it. I still hurt and I ruined the day. I was pretty inconsolable for a few minutes. Let’s just say lots of running and pressure can quickly take you to an emotional place. Soon Adam was able to get through to me and I started feeling a bit better. We stilled managed to get a “B” in terms of what we were hoping to attain time-wise (We had a sliding scale of goals set). We grabbed some food and ended up meeting with some friends at the end of it.
Even now I’m not 100% sure that I didn’t get food poisoning or Montezuma’s Revenge as I dramatically titled it in the days following the race. But in my gut I know a big factor was my anxiety. I put too much pressure on myself and either made myself sick or exasperated an existing stomach issue. Either way, I let my disappointment get in the way of positivity and making it a great day. It was a good lesson to learn. As much as pace is important and it’s wonderful to have goals, I never want to let myself get so down for doing something so great. For goodness sake I ran 13.1 miles! That is an accomplishment, whether I shaved those 6 minutes off or not. And the reality is: we didn’t train for a sub-2 hour race. I should’ve stuck with more realistic goals based on my training (Another important lesson). Last year during this time my asthma was causing a lot of trouble and I was traveling weekly for work. I just didn’t make my runs a priority. It makes sense – you get what you put in.
What about this year?
Fast forward to today: the night before my rematch. My chance to have a happy and successful race. Yes I have time goals, but I will not let myself get on the train to negative town. My most important goal is to enjoy and have fun. That was my biggest lesson from last year. Because after all – I’m running a half marathon tomorrow baby!
Getting ready to head into the Expo!
Yesterday I went to the expo and had an awesome time. I grabbed my packet easily and sure enough my bib says Corral D. Crazy. Still convinced that’s an error. Adam and I wandered around the expo and I picked up some tape for my knees, new bottles for my fuel belt, and an awesome sparkly headband (score!). It was a great success and not too crowded. I could feel my heart pounding when I was heading into the expo. I’m hoping I can stay calm and anxiety free tomorrow. I trained for a successful race – I just need to remember that. I made a game plan for fueling/water stops so that’s all decided as well. All that’s left is running!
Red circles are water stops and blue stars are 1/2 Gu.
If you’d like to track my progress you can sign up for that here. The Indy Mini has race tracking available for all participants. I love it – my family across the country is already signed up to get updates. How sweet is that? Additionally you can follow me on Twitter (@racesrepsramble) as I signed up to automatically tweet my splits. You’ll see the tweets here on the homepage too. Isn’t technology amazing? Enjoy the weekend!
Wish me luck! And fingers crossed my knees hold up!
-Kelly
Do you get race anxiety? Have you ever wanted a race rematch?
Races, Reps, and Ramblings 